题目

我雅思写作能考多少
之前没接触过雅思写作,网上看了看各个分数段的例文,也看不出什么门道,这里高手多,我就来打算写一篇,各位前辈来看看吧.
我随便看到个题目,说是学生用电脑做作业好不好,就写他了.
Recently,if you go to libraries,you will notice that the number of students using their laptops to do their homework has increased dramatically.This has triggered a debate as to whether or not student should use their computers to do their homework.
Firstly,there are some advantages of using computers to finish homework.Students can use internet to search their topic instantly when required,and use the materials or reference from the web directly.Also,computer animation and pictures can be added to the work,make their explanation more understandable.
However,the negative effects of laptop to do homework is also noticeable.Computer screen is eye-damaging,and the radiation of computers increases the chance of computer-related deceases.Distraction caused by computer,such as game and social media,may distract students from doing their work.And the use of auto-correction during typing can also deteriorate students' abilities to spell vocabulary correctly.
There are both advantages and disadvantages of students using computer to do homework.I would recommend mature students to use computer to do their homework while younger students should still use the traditional way of doing homework and some degree of parental control is required when use computers
7分钟写完

提问时间：2020-12-08

答案

格式不错条例清晰逻辑明确.
但是看不到好词汇啊怎么还有firstly,however,多用nevertheless这类的吧
句式变化太少了.
可能是5分左右吧.
建议你找个老师系统改善吧,大眼一扫可改的地方好多.用时有些长了,而且这个话题是N年前的了吧.
摸板句太明显了.
加油.