题目

帮我找20个英语短幽默有翻译,要很短

提问时间：2021-02-27

答案

1.快乐无处不在.
Seen on the bathroom walls of Concordia University: 'Ignorance is bliss.' and right underneath it... 'I don't know what this means but I'm happy.
Concordia大学卫生间的墙上写着：“无知是福“,正下方写着：“我不知道这是什么意思,但我很高兴”.
2.结婚的结果还是不错的.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy, if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
想办法结婚吧,如果你找到一个好妻子,你会幸福的,如果找了一个恶老婆,你会成为一个哲学家.
3.信心很重要.
The happy idea that one Englishman can beat three Frenchman, encourages, and sometimes enabled, one Englishman, in reality, to beat two.
“一个英国人能够打败三个法国人”这种快乐的观念鼓励着英国人,有时侯能够使一个英国人实际上打败两个法国人.
4.任何事情都可以让人高兴.
I’m delighted to find that after all these years my tennis game has not deteriorated.[退化] It’s just as bad as before.
我很高兴这些年我的网球技术没有退化,还象以前那么臭.
5.不该激动时不要瞎激动.
A boy frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and his Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog is thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?"
"No," says his Advisor, "in her biology class."
一个雄性小青蛙打通心灵热线,他的私人心理咨询师告诉他,“你将遇到一个年轻美貌的女孩,她想知道你所有的事情”.
小青蛙很激动,“太棒了,我会在晚会上遇见她吗”?
“不,在她的生物课上”.
6.终于逃离了父母的唠叨,朋友的骚扰,太自由了.
Think how it must feel to be alone in New York, without a friend or relation at hand, with no one to know or care what to do. It must be great!
想一想一个人在纽约是什么感受,身边没有一个亲戚朋友,没有人知道你做什么,也没有人关心.那肯定太棒了!
场景再现：身在异乡,独自一人的感受.
7.别人意外发现自己做了好事.
The greatest pleasure I know is to do a good deed anonymously, and then have it found out by accident
最愉快的事儿是偷偷做好事,然后偶然被发现.
8.人的一生要经历很多瞎高兴.
A weary hiker stumbled upon another hiker deep in the North Woods. “Am I ever glad to see you,” said the hiker. “I've been lost for three days.”
“Don’t be too relieved,” answered the second hiker. “I’ve been lost for three weeks.”
一个疲惫的野游者在森林深处遇到另一个野游者,他说,“非常高兴遇见你,我已经迷路三天了”.
“别太放松了,”第二个野游者回答,“我已经迷路三个月了”.
9.丑和美没有绝对的界限.
Ugliness is a point of view: an ulcer is wonderful to a pathologist.
丑陋是一种观点,溃疡对病理学家是美妙的东西.
10.免费的晚餐让你高兴.
Hasn't this been just a wonderful evening? The setting, the music, the program ____ and the dinner was served just the way I like it ____ free.
难道这不是一个美好的夜晚吗?这布景、这音乐、这节目 ——晚餐的供应方式也是喜欢的那种——免费的
11.乐观的态度.
Dad: What is the meaning of this F on your report card?
Junior: Fantastic?
爸爸：你成绩单上的F是什么意思?
Junior：棒极了!
12.自我感觉非常良好的乐观主义者说：
When I’m good I’m very, very good --- but when I’m bad I’m better.
当我感觉好时,我非常、非常好——当我感觉不好时,我比较好.
13.多看事情好的一面.
It was said President Ford gave American three years of good government and eight years of comedy [喜剧] material.
据说总统福特给了美国三年的好政府和八年的喜剧素材.
注：讽刺福特总统任职8年闹了很多笑话.
14.虽然空气污染这么厉害,也还是活着好.
Twilight was descending over Beijing …“How good it was to be alive,” I thought, inhaling deep lungful of carbon monoxide.
微光正降临洛杉机……活着真好,我想,深深地吸了一口一氧化碳.
15.保持心情愉快,不怨天尤人.
Laugh and the world laughs with you; snore and you sleep alone.
笑,别人和你一起笑；打呼噜,你独自睡觉.
16.吃饭就是一种享受.
We're talking about a fellow who really enjoys his food. I mean, who else carries around a picture of a refrigerator in his wallet?
我们正在谈论一个真正把吃饭当成享受的人,别人谁的口袋里老是装着冰箱的照片呢?
注：冰箱里放这肉包子、油条,还有半碗剩豆浆.
17.乐观的态度.
Ronnie: Is your new hunting horse well behaved?
Johnnie: He certainly is. He has such good manners that when we come to a fence, he stops and lets me go over first.
Ronnie：你的新猎马表现得好吗?
Johnnie：非常好.他风度很好,我们到栅栏时,他就停下让我先过去
18.乐观地看待堵车.
We’re lucky we have an apartment. If we lived in our car, we'd be home by now.
幸运地是我们还有房子住,我们如果住在汽车里,现在就到家里了.
19.乐观地看待肥胖.
I have flabby[松弛] thighs[大腿], but fortunately my stomach covers them.
我大腿很松弛,但幸运得是被我的肚子盖住了.
注：眼睛向下看不见大腿,只能看见肚子.
20.乐观地看待秃顶.
Frankly, I never considered myself bald until I went to a formal dinner and bent over to pick up a napkin. The woman next to me looked down at my head, turned to the waiter and said, “No melon, thank you.”
坦白说,我从不认为我秃顶,直到有一次我去一家正规的餐厅,弯腰捡餐巾时,挨着我坐的女人低头看着我的脑袋,转向服务员说,“不要瓜,谢谢你”.
注：错把秃头当成了瓜.
21.乐观的艺术家.
The neighbors love it when I play the piano. They break my window to hear me better.
邻居非常喜欢听我弹钢琴,他们为了听得更真切打碎了我的窗子.
22.有进取心的乐观主义者.
I'm basically an optimist. I'd say the glass is half full. But I'm gonna find out who drank the other half and will sue his ass all the way up to the Supreme Court. So it’s safe to say I’m an aggressive optimist.
我基本上是个乐观主义者.我会说杯子是半满的.但我要找出是谁喝了那半杯,并控告他直到最高法院.所以可以说我是个有进取心的乐观主义者.
注：悲观主义者和乐观主义者看事物的态度不同,如果有半杯水,乐观主义者说那杯水是“半满的”,悲观主义者说那杯水是“半空的”.我们不但认为那杯水是“半满的”,还非要找出谁喝了那半杯水,很有进取心.
23.Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?
Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".
老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到?
汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,僦看见一个牌子仩写着"学校----慢行".
24.Let me take it down
An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ."
"Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know."
为我所用
一头大象对一只小老鼠说：“你无疑是我见过的最小、最没用的东西.”
“请再说一遍,让我把它记下来.”老鼠说.“我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听.
25.But the teacher cried
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum. Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.
When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.
"Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? did you cry?"
"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"
可是老师哭了
六岁的约翰娇生惯养.他的父亲知道这一点,可他的祖父母仍然宠着他.这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母.他想要什么不是哭,就是闹.他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱.
约翰放学了,他奶奶在门口接他并问道：“学校怎么样?你过的好吗?哭了没有?”
“哭?”约翰问,“不,我没哭,可老师哭了.”
26.Coincidence
A woman was singing. One of the guests turned to a man by his side and criticized the singer.
"What a terrible voice!" he said. "Do you know who she is?"
"Yes," was the answer. "She is my wife."
"Oh, I beg your pardon." The man said, "Of course her voice is not bad, but the song is very bad. I wonder who wrote that awful song."
"I did." was the answer.
巧合
一位女士正在唱歌.一位客人转身对他旁边的男士批评道：
“多难听的嗓音!”他说,“你知道她是谁吗?”
“知道,”男士回答,“她是我太太.”
“噢,请你原谅.”客人说,“当然,她的嗓音并不坏,但那歌实在太差了.我想知道那是谁写的歌.”
“是我.”男士回答道.
27.Improvement
One student to another: "How are your English lessons coming along?"
"Fine. I used to be one who couldn't understand the English men, and now it's the English men who can't understand me."
进步
一位学生对另一位说：“你的英语最近学的怎么样?”
“很好,我过去不懂英国人说话,可现在是英国人不懂我的话了.”
28.A New Drug 一种新药
Jack:I have invented a new drug which could kill lice effectively.
Tom:That's wonderful. How is it used?
Jack:When you catch a louse, just put a little of that drug on its mouth and it will die immediately.
一种新药
杰克:我发明了一种新药能有效地杀死虱子.
汤姆:太棒了.怎么用呢?
杰克:你捉到一只虱子,只要在它嘴上抹一点这种药,虱子就会死去.
29.A Mistake
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peter explained that there had been a mistake. "Give me $500 each," he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."
"Done!" said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.
"Where are the others?" asked a medic.
"Last I knew," said the American, "the Scot was haggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay."
搞错了
一位美国人,一位英格兰人和一位加拿大人在一场车祸中丧生.他们到达天堂的门口.在那里,醉醺醺的圣彼德解释说是搞错了.“每人给我五百美元,”他说,“我将把你们送回人间,就象什么都没有发生过一样.”
“成交!”美国人说.立刻,他发现自己毫不损伤地站在现场附近.
“其他人在哪儿?”一名医生问道.
“我离开之前,”那名美国人说,“我看见英格兰人正在砍价,而那名加拿大人正在分辩说应该由他的政府来出这笔钱.”
30.Pig or Witch
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH(女巫)!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.
猪还是女巫
一个男人在一条陡峭狭窄的山路上驾车,一个女人相向驾车而来.他们相遇时,那个女的从窗中伸出头来叫到：“猪!”那个男的立即从窗中伸出头来回敬道：“女巫!”他们继续前行.这个男的在下一个路口转弯时,撞上了路中间的一头猪.要是这个男的能听懂那个女人的意思就好了.

31.Response Ability
An Ogden, Iowa, minister was matching coins with a member of his congregation for a cup of coffee. When asked if that didn't constitute gambling, the minister replied, "It's merely a scientific method of determining just who is going to commit an act of charity."
Philosopher Bertrand Russell, asked if he was willing to die for his beliers, replied: "Of course not. After all, I may be wrong."
A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"
The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."
答问技巧
衣阿华州奥格根的一位牧师正在与一位教友为一杯咖啡而猜硬币.别人问他那是否构成赌博行为时,牧师答道：“这仅仅是决定由谁来做一件善事的一种科学方法.”
当我人问哲学家罗素是否愿意为了他的信仰而献身时,他答道：“当然不会.毕竟,我可能会是错的.”
一份报纸组织了一场竞赛,为下面的问题征集最佳答案：“如果卢浮宫起了火,而你只能救出一幅画,你将救出哪一幅?”
获奖的答案是：“最接近门口的那一幅.”
32.Jonesie The Great Lion Hunter
A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast.
For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion.
In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion.
"What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief.
"Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?"
伟大的猎手Jonesie
有个小村庄正为一只吃人的狮子而烦恼.于是,村长派人去请伟大的猎手Jonesie来杀死这只野兽.
猎手躺着等了几个晚上,但狮子一直没有出现.最后,他要求村长杀只羊然后把头皮给他.把羊皮披在身上后,猎人到草原上去等狮子.
半夜,村民被从草原传来的声嘶力竭的尖叫声惊醒.他们小心地靠近后,看到猎手正躺在草地上痛苦地呻吟.没有狮子出没的蛛丝马迹.
“Jonesie,怎么了?狮子在哪?”村长问.
“哪有狮子!”猎人怒吼道,“哪个傻瓜把公牛放出来了?”
33.Weather Predict
A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained.
A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm.
"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.
However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.
Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"
he Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken."
天气预报
一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处工作.一天,一个印度老人到导演跟前告诉导演说"明天下雨."第二天果然下雨了.
一周后,印度人又来告诉导演说,"明天有风暴."果然,第二天下了雹暴.
"印度人真神,"导演说.他告诉秘书雇佣该印度人来预报天气.
几次预报都很成功.然后,接下来的两周,印度人不见了.
最后,导演派人去把他叫来了."我明天必须拍一个很大的场景,"导演说,"这得靠你了.明天天气如何啊?"
印度人耸了耸肩."我不知道,"印度人说,"收音机坏了."
34.I Am Acting Like a Lady
One day when women's dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women.
He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed.
"You there!" challenged a thrill voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"
"Listen," he said, "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."
我要表现得象位女士
一天,远东百货公司的女装大减价,一位高贵的中年男士想给太太买一件.可是,没过多久,他发现自己已被疯狂的女人冲得踉踉跄跄.
他竭力忍耐着.后来,他低下头,挥动双臂,挤过人群.
“你干嘛?”有人尖声叫道,“你难道不能表现得象位绅士吗?”
“听着,”他说,“我已经象绅士一样表现了一个小时.从现在起,我要表现得象个女士.”