题目

雅思作文task2批改评分
Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational,otherwise they are a complete waste of time.Do you agree or disagree?
In the present age,the issue of how children can spend their leisure time is increasingly disturbing.Some people argue that their leisure time should be educated.Personally,I agree with their view,but I would qualify it to some extent.
It is apparent that teaching children how to use their free time effectly plays a pivotal role in their growth.To begin with,the children will acquire more knowledge after study.Their teachers or parents can use this method ,not only to let them understand some useful information,but also can relax their minds and ease their minds.Therefore,this is a good way to improve themselves.Moreover,this method can save much time for children.As the student's studies are becoming increasingly harder,they should dedicate on their study.Therefore,they have less time to broaden their horizons.Additionally,educating children when they are free can also help their studying - that is to say,when they studying in the future,they can use these information,and their study will be more efficient.
Besides,some indlvlduals thlnk that this is their right to distribute their free time.The main reason ls that every body has his or her right to do things,especially for the children.When they finished their homeworks,the children should play more to relax themselves,not to teach them again.Nonetheless,as many children cannot control themselves today,we should introduce them to play.As a matter of fact,the children will receive more,provided that we use a good measure to help them.
Overall,the children's leisure time should be educational,thereby they can acquire success easily in the future.

提问时间：2021-01-20

答案

初评5.5-61.结构不错,语法正确,有少量拼写错误2.第三段与第二段的逻辑关系是转折,应该用however等等3.主要问题是用词趋于简单,句式还不够多变,论证不够深入但详实4.结尾太简单,时间不够么?修改后提出的论点减少,论证...