题目

有高人愿改这篇作文吗
My Family
Hi!My name is Chen Yuetong.My favourite colour is yellow and pink.My favourite fruit is oranges.I like to play in the computer.
We like ice cream and apples.Would you like some?
My mother is Liu Jing.She likes milk for breakfast,rice for lunch,soup for supper.Her favourite vegetable is tomatoes.She likes to dance.
My father is Chen Jian.He likes to read books.He likes to wear shorts.He likes to play ping-pong.His favourite colour is black and blue.
We all like to sing songs and play on the computer.
We are a happy family.

提问时间：2021-03-11

答案

我没动的都是没问题的.
My Family
Hi!My name is Chen Yuetong.
My favourite colour is yellow and pink.（改成：My favourite colours are yellow and pik.）
My favourite fruit is oranges.I like to play in the computer.(改成：I like to play on the computer.“in the computer”你钻进电脑里去玩儿吗)
We like ice cream and apples.（这里不要说we 因为你文章的title 是“my family”你要specific一点 像说"My parents like..."或"Everybody in my family likes..."）
Would you like some?(“你要一点吗?”你又不是请人家吃冰激凌 如果问“你喜欢吗?”可以说 Do you like it too?= 你也喜欢吗 或 What about you?= 你呢?)
My mother is Liu Jing.She likes milk for breakfast,rice for lunch,soup for supper.
改成：My mother is Liu Jing.She likes to have milk for breakfast,rice for lunch,and soup for supper.
Her favourite vegetable is tomatoes.
She likes to dance.改成：As well,she likes to dance.
My father is Chen Jian.He likes to read books.He likes to wear shorts.He likes to play ping-pong.His favourite colour is black and blue.
改成：这里我先前已经改过了.His favourite colours are black and blue.
We all like to sing songs and play on the computer.We are a happy family.
嗯.挺好了 只不过 句子跟句子中间要加点transitional words 像"Also","as well","in addition","on top of that," 高中应该学了吧