题目

请各位给点评打分 雅思作文
popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way.agree or disagree?
Overall ,I agree with the opinion expressed,I think it is a safe way to releasing patriotic emotions and a good chance to essential in easing international.
To begin with,in the international sporting occasions,just like the Word Cup,all the players are delegate their country’s honor,at that time ,people’s patriotic emotions reached the top,and all focus the sport,hope to show their best,the also very unite without the bias and the race,at the end of every teams which are finished the game in the Word Cup ,all the players are exchange their clothes with the opponents,it’s a friendly compartment,and also can essential in easing international tensions.Similarly in the Olympic Games,at the closing ceremony ,all the players whatever they come from different countries and different races,even some of them who’s country are fighting with another ,all of them are hand in hand and hope for peace.
In addition,it’s also a good chance to unfold the culture about your country,people’s special cheer and full of passion but politeness to express their emotions,can give a good impression to other country.
Finally ,the sports are an equally and peacefully athletics ,so I think it may be one of the best way to releasing patriotic emotions and essential in easing international tensions,but also a safe way.

提问时间：2021-01-26

答案

偏题了,论证不够有力,错误很多,字数也不够吧
首先论题这句话是说,像世界杯这样的国际体育赛事是非常重要的缓解国际关系紧张和释放爱国情绪的安全的方式.这句话里“are essential in”是说明“对...非常重要”的意思,你在整篇文章里都把它和easing international tensions 连在一起了.另外,“their country’s honor”应为“their countries' honor”,这类错误不少.
你用的句子太长,很多没有必要,并没有用到句型的变化,只是用逗号代替了句号而已,这样既没有加分还造成了错误.还不如用短句.
论题包含两个要素,缓解国际关系紧张和释放爱国情绪
我觉得你只写到了第二点,而且结尾总结时写的是体育,而不是国际体育赛事.国际体育赛事是体育的一种形式,你可以写体育是公平平等的,但是最后一定要把国际赛事点出来.
agree or disagree 这种题型,第一段表明论点,后面有大概三段举例论证,第四段总结.最好有实例,爱国情绪可以写北京奥运自己的感受之类的.
我不是专业的,估计这篇作文5分以下,还要多努力啊